I grew up to believe that the person you care about the most could speak empty words to you. Beautiful statements sans future evidential backups.
That should make me sad.
But I also grew up to realise that I do the same. Say words and then much later, act just the opposite of what I preached.
Because when I said them, it was an idealism of realism.
And when I acted the opposite, it was something known to all of us as the heat of the moment. Which is real. Because it happened. But do I regret it? I regret it. That, coming from a person who does not regret anything. No, I do not regret anything.
How could I back out on my words? And so, I regret it.
Everything happens for a reason. Life is not a carefully scripted play. I need to stop being so harsh on myself. I can make mistakes. I'm only human.
And so, I don't regret it.
What matters more is what I think of it now. The way I acted was wrong. The idealism of realism is my pursuit of realism. The way, I think, reality should be. One step further towards living what you preach.
So who am I to judge somebody else's actions when I'm still learning to live?
Therefore, it doesn't make me sad.
All of us scrutinize someone else's actions, ready to pounce on when they slip, or noting down their mistakes just to get back at them later on. Even if the getting back at them thing is unintentional, you did scrutinize, didn't you? What was the need to? Where's the unconditional love?
Is love really, ever, unconditional? Or is it another idealism?
You may believe your love is unconditional. But do any of us live what we preach? Preachings are based on a set of beliefs. Your philosophies.
They change.
And then again, why question somebody else's way of living?
Or what they said? And why didn't they ever act like it?
You just want the answers that fit your circumstances. That are in accordance with Your philosophies.
But don't you ever try to impose your beliefs on others.
When you love someone, you respect their beliefs as a separate entity.
Why do you start searching for your own beliefs in theirs once you start getting comfortable with theirs? To set chaos? Because that's all that it does.
Chaos. In your head. In your lives.
And once chaos sets in, there is only one result: choking.
Then one of you decides to take the emergency exit. To save yourself.
Stop.
Everybody is allowed to slip and to trip. Everyone allows themselves.
And with the ones you love, you help them get up when they slip and trip instead of counting the number of times they did, with a How-could-you look or a frown.
Try that How-could-you look on the things you do. You'd go and hide in a cave.
It isn't that hard. If you can decide for yourself that what you did was wrong or right, so can the other person. Because they're in control of their lives like you are of yours. What they said affects you. But what they do affects them more. What people do sets into motion another set of actions in their lives leaving bigger consequences in their lives than they do in yours.
Because ultimately, your actions will be responsible for anything happening to you in your future.
What are future evidential backups anyway? Without the beautiful statements of the past, would you ever search for them? Those are just hypothetical.
And may be, come to think of it, those beautiful statements were just something in the heat of the moment.
Words are never empty.
We just decide their weight to suit our beliefs, which, bend and mend with time.
And now, when I'm no longer thinking of myself, yes I do believe I love unconditionally.
