Hellfire

This moment. This very moment.

I have so much in me.

So much in my hold.

Is there anything that can waver my faith?

My faith in me?

Why did I have to ask?

Is there a part of me that questions it?

Questions my hold on me?

Oh but I am the summation

Of all of these questions

In me.

What about now?

That moment is gone.

Do I still question it?

Am I still questioning myself?

Do I even make sense?

Do I have to make sense?

No, right? Because I am in charge of my life.

Yes, right? I still have to live among people.

No, right? I can still be free. It’s all about the thought process, the decisions I make.

Yes, right? My decisions will affect humans who are a part of my life.

Do I still have a hold on myself?

Does this moment overwhelm me?

Can anything overwhelm me?

Did I ever have a hold on myself?

Do I regret losing grip for a fleeting moment?

Do I regret anything?

Can I lead myself to believe I don’t?

But if I can be led to believe something, what about the hold I have?

But no one else can lead me on, so is my hold intact?

But I let myself be led on because of someone else

Or was it just me?

Do I confuse you?

Do I care?

Do you understand me?

Can you?

But if I’m strong, do I give a damn?

Am I strong?

Are you strong?

Are you sure you do a fool-proof job of fooling yourselves that you are?

But am I weak?

Are you?

Just because we let ourselves be overwhelmed

For one fleeting moment?

But I shot my guards up again.

Did you?

Once I hid behind the walls, do I care if you did?

It’s just me, here.

No more questions. Just me.

This moment. This very moment.

Where I have faith in me.

Where I have a hold on myself.

Where I can hold on to myself.

Where I can allow myself to get overwhelmed every once in a while.

And set myself ablaze.

Drenched in my own hellfire.

And go up in fumes.

It’s me, here.

Again.

Here.

And now.